Have you ever felt belonging nowhere?
Let me share one of my secrets here…
First, let’s start with a brief intro…
I just came to Istanbul from Barcelona for the Christmas holiday. In these days, I am visiting the places where I had great memories, meeting friends and family. And, of course, eating very nice foods… 🙂
Every time, before and after the trip, I was thinking about one specific topic: where I belong.
To answer this, I don’t feel like I belong anywhere anymore… 🙂 When I was living in Istanbul, I had similar feelings. Although I’ve spent all my time in this city, I was not feeling like belonging here. That’s why it was easy for me to take a decision to change the country. Now, I have been in Barcelona for more than 3 years and I still don’t feel belonging anywhere.
However… Now, I have another feeling…
I accept that I don’t need to belong anywhere. It is kind of being a passenger… And, I think the important point is inside you, not outside.
This may sound like trending words but let me talk about it a bit…
After having this awareness, every moment feels more unique and it helps me to stay in the flow for the moment.. For example, when I meet friends, family, visit fav places… While laughing and having fun, we find ourselves in a moment of how we missed each other… When I’m with friends, we draw a sigh… When I’m with my mother and sister, it’s a few drops of tears from them… Then we continue… Before, it hurt me but now I accept it as a part of the flow…
Why should we stay connected to a place when places, feelings and thoughts are temporary..? Sometimes it gets tiring for me to think about this issue. However, sometimes, it excites me for the future and increases my energy.. It is similar to awareness of death. It opened me a door to live life more meaningfully and fully.
Yes, no one can look directly at death and the sun, but if we escape from this reality we cannot live life in a deep and meaningful way, I think…
The secret…
For a long time, I’ve considered that photography is the best way for describing myself… Every moment I was capturing covered my memories, thoughts and emotions. I was thinking the angle and moment. Then, I was mixing them to create my perspective..
Also, I would say each photo I took is a part of me… Therefore, when I combine them, it becomes me… Umut… A hope…
Now, I want to put these pieces into words and share them… First, with these blog posts and soon, with a book… (hopefully in 2022!)
About the picture…
Imagine a moment when you stop by the roadside and start as a short break and don’t want to finish. Especially if it’s a sunset, you wait and watch…
I caught this picture on an August evening almost 10 years ago… I was traveling in an Aegean city where I’ve never been before… At that time, I knew I was on a way that was very new for me. But I had no idea whether it was right or wrong. I accepted it because there was no alternative..
One way. That makes you stop and look behind you every time you stop.. As you try to illuminate the darkness by thinking… You think, the mind expands and then the ideas come out. Then you try to bring them to your life. It’s like a game.. Thinking to discover hidden beauties from your mind…
Final words…
I like having a planned life but I can’t predict well how I will live my next years… However, I would say that what I’ve lived/experienced was always better than what I’ve planned so far.
Thank you so much for your patience to read until the end. Hope you enjoyed 🙂
New adventures are around the corner, just feel your flow and follow your passion!
Happy New Year!
